| i love... |
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* a spoon with my coffee or tea
* unexpected visits
* singing
* hearing others sing
* my feline loves
* cuddling
* being wrapped in a down comforter
* licking the spoon after mixing cookie dough or cake batter
* when people make supershuttle reservations for me without my knowledge
* pizza. lots of it.
* mania (sometimes)
* vanilla soymilk
* tofu cheesecake
* vegan food
* trying new things
* Kurt Vonnegut
* indian food in Chung King Mansions
* Houhai & Hutong Pizza
* Lindeman's Peach beer
* Mississippi Muds
* Guinness (beer much?)
* Maui Brewing Co's coconut porter
* my best friend
* travel planning
* creating those travel memories
* shared beliefs (•
* appreciation
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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| i started off this morning waking up refreshed and ready to tackle the busy weekend.
today went thus:
6:30am wake, leave at 7:30am
stood in line for TB test read, done at 8:10am
8:30am-12noon ABA work
1pm- 4:30pm ABA work
5pm HOT costume fitting
6pm macgrill work til 10:30pm
tomorrow goes...
8:30-1pm ABA work
1:15-? ABA work
4:30pm-? macgrill work
after work watch lectures for online course
sunday is pretty chaotic too, but i haven't quite figured out how to fix that...
anyway, all i felt today was lots of love. i had a smile on my face pretty much the entire day, and if the smile wasn't on my face, it was definitely in my heart.
there were a few things that made me unsettled, but they didn't bother me nearly as much as they usually would have.
tonight a famous hawaiian entertainer asked me to sing for his guest tonight. his entire had me singing for them four times, i believe. i also sang for some other very appreciative tables.
as much as i don't like the way things go at work, i LOVE making people happy. whether it be from a cheesy comment about the food or plates or bringing out desserts or singing for them, i truly am happy when i see they are happy too. i guess i put up with the bullisht at work because regardless of the work drama i still enjoy working there because of the guests. making people happy rules.
i also restocked my fridge and freezer tonight - sweeeeet.
love life.
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| wow, talk about feeling like poo this morning! my body is so tired, my mind's dragging, and i'm warming up for a vocal coaching soon...
today's gonna be a long day - vocal coaching from 11-12, then ABA work from 1-5, then macgrill at 6... sigh.
last night reminded me why i like working at mac grill.
first we cut the grumpy butt expo soon after i walked in, so that lightened up the mood loads. zack was back on the line all night, and he's just a pleasant person to have back there - doesn't get stressed out. life's more enjoyable around pleasant people.
i sang a bunch last night too and spoke to a few tables. a guy complimented my ugly tie while i dropped food off at the table next to him. i thanked him while thinking to myself, "this tie is awful!"
i kept myself going by singing all night too - in one of the songs we're singing for Cinderella, i sing:
Cinderella, come to me, Cinderella, come to me,
Cinderella, over here, Cinderella over there,
Cinderella, fix my hair, bring a ribbon for my hair!
Cinderella, bring me this, Cinderella, bring me that!
All the time they keep me busy, always at their beck and call!
that's exactly how i felt last night -
can you sing happy birthday for me,
can i have more bread,
can we get more plates,
can we get cracked pepper on everything we order,
can i have more cheese,
can i get a water refill,
can you get my guinness.
blech... maybe if i wasn't constantly running food out and had more time i wouldn't get so bothered by all the guests and server's constant requests.
and since this is going in the 'rant blog' direction, i need to get this out even though i already snapped at a few of the servers already, haha...
if you want me to sing happy birthday for you so you can get a better tip, you better help run out food or bus a table!
while i spend time making your table happy, there is food i'm supposed to run just sitting on the line and tables that i should be clearing.
anyway, </rant>
time to shower, eat, admire the washed dishes, and head out for the long haul that will forever be known as September 30, 2009.
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| i haven't had one of these in a while, one so bad that it brings me to the verge of tears then pushes me over the edge. out spill the tears.
after about an hour, i finally found the positive in the negative. all night i was told "why are you <doing this or that>?" after the third person, i started to get really down.
i'm sure everyone had good meaning behind their "bad" comments. well, i'm not sure, but i'd like to think that behind their words lay a "cat is good a some things. she deserves better" thought.
instead what i heard kept eating at my pride and wearing me down. i began to ask myself, "why am i still at this crappy low hourly wage tip job? why aren't i doing anything more with my singing? do i really deserve better and should be doing better things like everyone's telling me?"
and that's why i had to dig real deep through the bullisht and find those little nuggets of hope.
macgrill, though 75% of the time unenjoyable, is my health insurance source. the hours i spend clearing people's dirty dishes helps shed medical financial responsibility.
most nights i get to sing and make people smile, hold hands, or stare in awe of how a big (untrained) sound comes out of someone so small.
this makes me happy, so the transitive property tells me that i am happy to work at mac grill.
(that was a really off joke, please don't think i was serious, its not transitive by any means :P )
anyway... sigh. as i type this, another macgrill idiot just rubs the depressing isht in my face via facebook.
i wish i could tell everyone at work "SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"
oh well... thursday is a new day.
i am appreciative of the people who bring smiles to my face.
good night.
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| senseless blog to quiet the brain so i can sleep:
i miss shanghai. i miss the early morning bicycle rides, zipping through the dusty street lanes and past high-rise construction sites, dodging gas and electric mopeds and old men pulling their metal carts filled with sky high piled recyclables. i miss stopping at fruit stands and buying inexpensive fresh fruit any day of the year. safeway sells grapes for $5.99/lb when they're not in season - unheard of on the SH streets. maybe at an expat grocery store, yes, the ones which introduced us to 'foreign' foods from countries all over the world.
i miss my life there... monday through friday, 9am to 6pm but sometimes 7 or 10pm if i had a presentation to do at a university. i miss the hassle of figuring out how to get back home - cab? subway? bus? saturdays and sundays were free to explore new areas, new restaurants, and new illegal dvd (9s, hehe.) i miss going grocery shopping in the mornings on saturdays to cook meals that weekend, then deciding on eating out instead because of laziness. i miss having all that free time and not feeling pressured to do anything with it.
i miss waking up to kitties snuggled against my belly and hearing them scamper through the apartment. i miss hearing the clangclanging of their metal food bowls toppled as they raced through the living room. i miss morse's silly shenanigans - jumping up to open the kitchen door, running through tea candles spraying hot wax everywhere, getting himself stuck up in the ceiling. i miss boots' queenie air. i miss blackie's innocence and wish i could have taken out his eye when i was there. i miss raising lukie and him always jumping into my lap.
i miss the randomness shanghai offered - coming home from chinese new year in india to hear that aerial fireworks shattered our balcony window, the cold/hot showers of the faulty water heater, falling in the gap between the subway platform and car, the crazy lady umbrella incident, finding baby lukie as he was being kicked onto the road
in shanghai the anonymity was intoxicating. i wasn't subject to anyone's expectations, felt no pressures, and was able to drink in living day by day.
i really, really, really do miss my life there.
sigh... soon, hopefully.
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Lifetime
washed all the towels and mats last night with a green kitchen mat. i'd forgotten that i hadn't washed the green mat before, so it tinted all the white bathroom towels and bathmat green.
good thing green is my favorite color.
new birth control has me on hormone overload, uncontrollably crying over the slightest mishaps, losing patience faster (not good since my amazing patience is the key to both jobs - working w/children with autism and food service), feeling really "blah" about life lately, not as energetic and full of life as usual
at least this "blah"-ness seems to suppress the occasional anxiety attacks i have. actually haven't had any anxiety attacks since the BC. sorta good since i have my final exam this week. usually i freak out and go nuts and cram like crazy, but am handling it pretty well this time around.