March 11, 2009

  • decisions

    ...maybe this entry should be more appropriately named "obligation." maybe even self defined obligation? whatever it is, i hate feeling this way. my ass is bruised from kicking myself for not doing what i want to do. sigh... maybe i should find a more reinforcing method of punishment... or maybe i should find a better reinforcer.

    whatever the case, i sit here wondering why i care so much about things/people i shouldn't really care so much about. my life repeats itself in that i always put in more effort than i ever receive. i don't expect anything in return, but sometimes when its blatantly obvious i won't receive anything, not even respect, i feel ashamed to have repeated yet another disappointing cycle. can't think right now... will clarify later. think i'm gonna brush out the mind cobwebs with some iichiko. :(