August 28, 2009

• reflections

  two nights ago i picked up tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom again. i opened up to the page i'd dog-eared several months ago and within the first few lines lay this:
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  "Wherever I went in my life, I met people wanting to gobble up something new. Gobble up a new car. Gobble up a new piece of property. Gobble up thhe latest toy. And then they wanted to tell you abut it. 'Guess what I got? Guess what I got?'

  "You know how I always interpreted that? These were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. They were embracing material things and expecting a sort of hug back. But it never works. You can't substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship.

  "Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness. I can tell you, as I'm sitting here dying, when you most need it, neither money nor power will give you the feeling you're looking for, no matter how much of them you have."
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  i personally find a lot of truth in that. i've never wanted the latest cell phone or iPod or car, and i have a hard time keeping up with the trends because i don't care enough about them. instead i usually put my efforts into the people i love. those who know me well know that i'm satisfied with my paycheck-to-paycheck life, and that i usually spend my money helping friends or enjoying pricey meals (i love me a good two hour session of palate joy.)

  basically cat + materialism = oil + water.

  however lately i've found myself thinking about the Nissan cube. i want to add that when i first saw the commercial for it, i thought it was a toy car. then i saw it in person, took it for a spin, and i haven't stopped thinking about it since.

  at first i thought, "wow, this is huge! i want something new and materialistic? i want to invest in something tangible and semi-commit to it?!"

  then after reading Morrie's words, i realized that maybe my desire for the cube developed because i haven't had love (for others) in my life recently. a difficult personal choice i made for the better - life has been a lot more enjoyable since i've slowed loving others and started really loving myself.
  maybe i subconsciously tried to fill that love-void by gobbling up a new car.
  was i reaching out for a love substitute?
  does that mean the love i have for myself doesn't suffice?
  that saddens me, but i'm glad i caught myself before i fell into a $19K trap.
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  in other news, life has been pretty enjoyable.
  i still wish i was in Shanghai with my feline babies. i miss weekend mornings with my kitties curled up in my lap and holding a cup of jasmine tea.
  soon, soon. i'm working towards my goal of being there by next summer. maybe even by my 26th? hmm...

  here's to an aloha friday! i'm going to make it a good one.

  • 6:20 pm
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