August 25, 2010

  • control over change

    being alive is interesting.

    we have total control of our beings, our bodies, our minds...
    yet (with a few exceptions) our feelings are much harder to wrestle

    we can change our bodies by altering calorie consumption and exhaustion
    we can alter the color of our external body parts - hair, eyes, nails, lips, cheeks, skin
    we can choose to make these changes, or we can choose to keep things the same

    what lies at the core of the desire to change?
    i've lost touch with it,
    and i want it back.

    in college change of location was a top priority of mine -
         it was flight after flight after flight during those years.
    after college change of lifestyle was most important -
         i learned to do away with frivolity and enjoy a pared down, simpler life
    returning to hawaii reinforced the lifestyle change and allowed me to make another change,
         change in health and body awareness.
         this is important to me because we have only vessel to last us through our years
         might as well take care of it, keep it healthy, well-oiled, well-nourished

    and i think i'll keep focusing on this change
    before i start the new one...
    change in career.
    this is freaking overwhelming for some reason,
    and paired alongside the secrets that have consumed my life for the past year and a half,
    i'm starting to freak out!
    eek!

    well, like most people do,
    i'll turn a blind eye,
    ignore the truth,
    and hope it goes away :P
    hah. we all know that's not who i am.
    but i soooo wish i was able to ignore my issues like everyone else does quite well...
    wish-granting genie, where are you?