aiyaiyai... why do i write when i drink on an empty stomach?

so here is my dilemma.

though a major weight has been lifted from my shoulders, i still find myself wondering what i really want in life.
to the point where i forgot about a job commitment i had today.
if you know me, that is HUGE! i never forget about stuff like that...
... but i think i forgot about it because i'm kinda floating around in my head right now...

so i went on a tour to japan. each day we stayed in a different city until the last three days which were spent in Kyoto.
i had an amazing time - a very life changing trip.
one of the highlights was meeting stig, a guy 18 years my senior, on the plane over to japan.
he's a grad student at kyoto uni, and he's spent the last 26 years hopping from one job to the next, just enjoying what comes his way.
meeting him was one of the most refreshing things i've experienced in the past year.
he's proof that there are others out there that are like me.
hearing his life story and what he's been through really slapped me across the face and woke me up.

recently i've been pondering what to do with my life...
should i settle down and stay in hawaii?
should i stay in hawaii temporarily and get a master's degree so i can move away?
or should i just leave now and live the nomadic life i used to enjoy?

i am a person who like to give her 100+% to things
i hate giving less than that, and i love to put effort into things about which i am passionate.
i really wish someone would guide me to the right path,
the one i should be devoting myself to,
but instead i sit here in purgatory, lost and wandering,
holding onto hope i create for myself with no true basis

as secure as i may seem on the outside, (if at all...)
at the moment i am a lost soul,
wondering what path she should wander about...

there is:
1. taking a gamble with whom i am enamored (did i just frickin write that? ahaha), with a relationship that is undefined and has been for a couple months and will probably be undefined for an indefinite amount of time
2. taking a HUGE step for me and getting a new car <--- implications being that i must remain in hawaii for a good couple years since my parents will be financing it... COMMITMENT?? *nibbles at glittery fingertips*
3. screwing both options and moving back to shanghai, a place i've grown to love and feel comfortable in. what i'd do for money, i don't know. but it'd be nice to have that comfort again...
4. risking it all with someone who's burned me before big time yet is what i thought i always wanted but am no longer sure if i want that or not?

can you imagine that?
a city giving someone comfort? an alive yet inanimate object comforting me more than a person?
all my life i've sought comfort from other human beings
and now i've given up and resort to city comfort.
is this possible???

am i ready to be the one-woman wolf pack?
hooooooowl!!!