as i sat dejected in my car, the radio spoke to me by playing my favorite Don McLean hit:
Starry, starry night.
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills,
Sketch the trees and the daffodils,
Catch the breeze and the winter chills,
In colors on the snowy linen land.
Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.
Starry, starry night.
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.
Colors changing hue, morning field of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.
Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.
For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you.
Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.
Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will...
---
old feelings - insanity, rage, misery, severe sorrow - have made several unwelcome reappearances in the past two weeks. haven't felt this way in a while, and i'm unsure of the best way to deal with this attack. its definitely draining the life out of me, and i don't even feel like making the effort to keep my head above the water anymore. too much wasted energy trying to breathe.
i wish more people would just do more and hesitate, worry, second guess, and put up defenses less.
at times, life does suck, but it sucks way less if you can accept that sometimes life does blow and figure out what the best way to deal with it is rather than getting mad at life and dwelling on how unfair the world is. someone, find me a stop sign for that run-on sentence.
attempting to gain control of her personal life,
me
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